Merlin, I don't like Jam
by DevonWren
Summary: Merlin/Arthur AU - They've known each other for a lifetime, and neither can live without the other. This explains what has happened to make this so, and why this relationship is changing - Slash. Expect Child Merlin and Arthur, imaginations and cuteness!


_**Basically, this is what Merlin and Arthur's life would have been like if you brought them into 2010 and morphed a selection of the telly episodes into things that happened in their lives – so, see how many references to something in the series you can find – some are not as obvious as others, you might need to properly think about it. **_

_**I really enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoy reading it too.**_

**_Disclaimer: I own nothing of Merlin._**

_**Please review if you like it, or don't like it, because criticism is very very very much appreciated. Thank you!**_

**_Thank you so much to m4Waverley - the review was so amazing!_**

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Merlin, I don't like Jam...

"I got you a plain doughnut," Merlin handed Arthur the doughnut and sat on the bench to eat his own (jam - I might add),

"What, didn't they have any ones with filling?"

"Yeah, jam. But you don't like jam,"

"What makes you think that?"

"Well, that time you said _'Merlin, I don't like jam'_, sort of gave it away."

"Oh, yeah, well, whatever." he grinned, pleased the Merlin had remembered, after all, it had been three years before this - Arthur had never forgiven him for putting Jam on his toast that morning.

Not that Arthur should have been surprised that Merlin remembered, because they were both incredibly aware - their lives may as well have been one life, they'd known each other that long, and knew each other that well.

It was perfectly ordinary for people to stop in the streets and squeal at how tightly Merlin would have his arm around Arthur's waist, or the way Arthur would use Merlin's pocket to keep his keys in, because, usually it was closer than his own. Life had always been that way - at least since three months after Arthur had been born, when Merlin had popped out of his mother's womb. This is what happens when mothers-to-be go to the same maternity classes - friends for life. Or at least, friends until one of them dies. Friends until Igraine died. But that was a different story entirely.

The long and tall of it was that Merlin and Arthur never left the other's side. And both knew that they could not be without their equal. One or the other would sneak under the others bed at night, in their university dorm, and thump the underside of the mattress until the other woke with a rather girly scream. Then they would spend the rest of the night huddled under the covers, both too scared to sleep alone. They went shopping together, and Arthur had, somehow (and Merlin, himself, didn't properly remember how) managed to persuade Merlin to get fitted for a bra (just for a laugh), Merlin hadn't been so fond of him for the following week. The look on the old woman's face, however, _had _been priceless. And then they had competitions to see who could fit the most four-fingered Kit Kat bars into their mouth at once. Merlin always won that one - and he saw it as comeuppance for the bra incident. They would read the same book at the same time, or sometimes hold the book upside down and try to read it that way, and from the back page first. Then they would race to the bedroom because the last one in bed would have to turn the bedroom light off, and then fumble through the dark to try to get to bed - this also explains why sometimes Merlin would wake up to find Arthur asleep at the bottom of _his_ bed (as it was right by the door). Merlin usually won that as well, but he was thinner and more nimble, so slipping under Arthur's arm, as he tried to block the door, was no hard task. Until he'd done it so often that Arthur was expecting it, and would have him in a headlock and then drag him thrashing into the bathroom and shut him in the shower with the water on so he would have to dry off first,_ meaning he was last_. One time, on an occasion when Arthur had pre-empted him, he'd still beat him to bed, but had woken up with a Chill because he'd been too reluctant to dry himself off. The Chill was worth it just to find Arthur sprawled across the floor in the morning. He really couldn't understand how the boy found it so hard to reach his bed - it was only a foot or two from Merlin's own. He thought he was trying to prove a point. He was stubborn like that.

But, they were not _together_ together. Just together... _As friends... The very best of friends_. The sort of friends that they thought everybody had, when really it was just them, in their little dream world that had been specially crafted and moulded until they were the only ones that fit inside it. Until everyone else didn't matter, as long as they had each other... _And_ the occasional girlfriend - but even that was always short-lived. The thing they most wanted in their lives was the other, and that was how it had been since their mothers had coincidentally decided they would go into labour three months apart. But maybe that was God's doing, maybe it was meant to be.

They spent years and years with each other, their whole lives - to give you an exact time scale. And other people, mostly strangers, some scrawny little boys from down the road, would merely flit in and out of their lives, leaving either Merlin or Arthur, respectively, as the constant.

One such example would be Mordred - the said scrawny little boy down the road, who got roped into playing 'Wizards' with seven year old Merlin and Arthur. Unfortunately, because Mordred was considerably younger than both, he always had to be the villain. Unsuccessfully poking his head and his '_magic hand' _around corners in a '_stealthy_' way, only to be bopped on the head with some sort of branch - the one that Arthur had grown quite fond of. And speaking of Arthur, he was the one person who simply _refused_ to be a wizard because '_Magic is for babies, and only Merlin is a baby'_. So had chosen to be a fearless knight and fall from a tree only to be rushed to hospital with a rather severe ankle-spraining. Merlin hadn't been best pleased by Arthur's original comment and declared that '_if he doesn't play nicely, he'll have to fight the baddies on his own'_. And the thought of having to be without Merlin had really stirred the young boy up, so, naturally, Merlin became his '_sidekick_' - and Merlin was aware that he had no other friends, so 'sidekick' would have to do.

This, of course, lead to giant sword fights in the park. They'd taken this all-too seriously, getting Uncle Gaius to carve them out shields that they could paint themselves. Merlin had used the emblem of a rose, bright red with an attempt at '_outlining'_ it in black - that had been the first time Arthur had used the word '_beautiful_'.

Both boys were quite insistent on protecting Merlin's mother. On Arthur's part, that was probably because he'd never had his own. _Well_, quite insistent until Merlin nearly poked her eye out with the kitchen knife whilst tackling the little clay monster he'd made off of her shoulder. _That_ had been the first time he'd heard his mother swear. And soon after, that had become his favourite word, no matter how many times Hunith told him she'd said '_ships, as in 'ships on the sea''_.

But Merlin, as he told his mother, _'was a big boy now, so was allowed to know those words_'. But truthfully, eight is really not that big at all - something Merlin realised when he turned nine.

For the said ninth birthday, Arthur had taught him to ride his new bike. But a bike was not nearly exciting enough for Merlin, whose imagination was really something that exceeded even the most thickest of scientists. Instead, he said it was a unicorn. A unicorn with an emo-fringe, no less. But, Arthur, secretly hiding his jealously as Merlin rode off to rescue damsels in distress from the jaws of Jaws (they'd accidentally walked in on Hunith watching it the day before. And how a unicorn would have benefitted the situation, escapes me), had professed to kill the poor thing with a carefully wielded spatula. Of course, the bike had not been damaged in the slightest as the spatula just bounced off as Merlin made a break for it, shrieking that he may lose an eye if it misses. But the principle, and attempt, had been there. And Arthur had made his displeasure clear with numerous amounts of tears, and Merlin didn't want to see his Arthur cry.

Then there was that time when they may as well have confessed their undying love to their ten-year-old-counterparts, or at least Merlin may as well have. After Ben from number sixteen had claimed to have poisoned Arthur's drink, so Merlin had snatched it from him shouting '_No, I won't let you die'_, and drank the entirety of the salt-polluted-liquid in the Bob-The-Builder mug. He'd spent three days in bed with a dodgy stomach after that, _and _after Hunith had told Ben's parents to keep a better hold on their son. Arthur had sat by his bed for the majority of those three days, reading him bedtime stories that he'd nicked from the school library, and baking cakes that Merlin was too sick to eat (not that Arthur was complaining, it just meant more for him. (It had been Arthur bed-ridden the following day)).

Then, the same year, Kieran moved in up the road, and within the hour of the removal truck pulling up into the drive of number 3, a pristine Arthur and a smeared-with-mud Merlin (he'd been rolling down hills all morning, Arthur had just watched - too '_clever for childish games_') had introduced themselves as the '_neighbourhood watch'_. Then, returning to the notion of wizards and knights. Merlin decided that, because Kieran was taller than them, Kieran would be the dragon, and give Merlin piggybacks to the corner-shop so he could charge up his magic wand with Sherbet Lemons. But Arthur would strike the fearsome dragon in the backs of the knees (_'because I am meant to be the hero, and I help people, so pretend you need help!_') with the inflatable sword he got from the fair that time, and Merlin would topple off. Despite the previous mutual trust between Merlin and his dragon, he would declare Arthur his hero (partially because he knew that's what he wanted), and then one particular time, they got married under a specific arch-shaped branch that hung from the willow tree _('like the flowery arch in my mum and dad's wedding picture_' Arthur had pointed out, grinning with happiness - he would be as happy as his parents with Merlin)_._ Although, the divorce papers were filed (after Arthur super-glued a feather to Merlin's head whilst he was sleeping, and then swore blind that it was because Merlin '_needed to look good for his birthday party'_), and then put in the time capsule that got buried under the school - the one that lead to Merlin thinking he would soon receive a letter from an android from the future (but then, he had mistaken it for a time _machine_ - '_easy mistake' _Arthur told him, trying to stifle his sniggers as Merlin got a grump on, after checking the three-or-four letters that had just tumbled through his letterbox).

Gwen - the girl who would follow Arthur around religiously, trying her hardest to catch his attention (from the tender age of 6 to the present day) - would never forget when Merlin had put a lump of moss underneath her father's pillow to '_entice out the stomach 'bug' with its tasty wet leaves and mud for mud-pies_' (completely misunderstanding the term 'bug'). This had, inevitably, left Merlin banned from Gwen's house after an earwig crawled up Tom's nose. Arthur decided he would stand his ground and back Merlin - as he always did - refusing ever to set foot in the small cottage until they offered him a huge plate of sausages and chicken-wings as compensation (_'I don't understand why _you_ need to be compensated, Arthur, it's _me_ who got thrown out_' - Merlin was a vegetarian. But as Arthur pointed out _'look, I like Gwen, she's nice. And if you hadn't done that stupid thing with the moss, we may have been friends. So, yes, I _do_ deserve compensation_').

When they hit their teens, things started to get weird. As infatuated as they were with each other, there was always a _girl_ who caught at least one of their eyes. The first to try them was Cara, and she directly affected Merlin - who'd never really seen a girl up-close before, well, aside from Gwen, but she was... '_Out-of-bounds_', according to Tom. Things had been fine, Merlin would meet Cara on the corner of the grey stone wall that surrounded Aldeberry House, and she would only have to look at him and he would know '_I am in love_'. And he_ was,_ just... not with her. Although, that passed him by for a week or so. Even Arthur was thrilled when his 12 year old ears heard the details of how it felt to hold a girls hand. But after the initial excitement, he just teased his friend, his _very best _friend, calling him a '_besotted maiden'_ and miming '_weak-at-the-knees'_ whenever he saw the two together (which was nearly every time they_ were_ together, seeing as Merlin was quite content with Arthur being there). But really, I suppose he was just jealous, and not because Merlin had a 'girlfriend', but because Merlin's 'girlfriend' had_ Merlin._ But this momentarily set-back in their relationship was quickly resolved after Cara broke the BT box up the road whilst trying to fix the power-cut, and then went on to claim Merlin '_dared me to do it, he really did_'. Arthur had carefully put his arm around Merlin's shoulder, upset because Merlin was upset, but relieved that the competition had taken a wrong turn and gotten lost. And taking a wrong turn was inescapable for any who knew Merlin, _except Arthur_. He tended to 'snap' when things got too much. Like when Gaius bought him Salt and Vinegar crisps instead of Ready Salted and he nearly had his head off. Once again, Arthur was there to wrestle him to the ground and prize the pot of peanuts, he'd seized, from Merlin's flailing hand. Gaius, being Gaius, had, eventually, forgiven him. After all, he knew how much Merlin hated peanuts.

Arthur's first proper crush that wasn't on Merlin (although, he didn't even _know_ he had a crush on Merlin - a man-crush) was with a girl named Vivian. She was a blonde, spoilt, 12 year old brat who never thought of anyone but herself. But Merlin had to admit, she was very pretty. But so was Arthur, and it was _Arthur_ she wanted. Merlin had danced around the living-room for about three days straight, and when asked what he was doing, he replied '_planning_'. Then, when all his thoughts had been sorted and arranged and careful tactical measures had been taken, he leapt out of the front door, when he saw Arthur walking up the road (_holding her hand_, or '_having his soul sucked out_' in Merlin's own words), ran at super-speed to 'meet' them screaming '_Sorceress!_' at the top of his lungs and hand-cuffed her to a lamppost with his old policeman pretend ones. That hadn't ended well. Arthur had punched him, freed his 'girlfriend' but then dumped her for '_upsetting Merlin'_ and presently ran into the house to set up the game of chess he had been promised.

Then came another test, at the age of 13, and once again, it was _Merlin_ who made the friend. This time, his name was Lance, a tanned dark-haired boy whose gleaming, perfectly-straight-toothed smile made Arthur's skin crawl. The first time Merlin had introduced him, he'd scooped the new boy up with both of his athletic arms and chucked him in the pond - _the boy had only said 'hello'_. Lance had spent the next month seeking revenge with a wooden spoon he'd modified so it resembled something a caveman would have (so Arthur resolved to calling him 'Egbert' -the name of the first ever King (I think Arthur thought that to _be_ the _first_ ever King, you had to have been a caveman, because cavemen came first)). Arthur still had the scar on his left shoulder where that had '_impaled_' him (he always liked to over-exaggerate. Especially the time when Arthur had told Merlin his father was raised by Apes in the jungle and used to swing from trees and go exploring in faraway places to search for new types of maggot, simply because Merlin had queried why his father was wearing a Plinth helmet in a photograph (three things Merlin came to realise: One: Arthur watched too much _Tarzan_, Two: His father had been in the Animal Kingdom in Florida, and three: Arthur could spin a hell of a lie if he wanted to)). Lance got asked to move house by the _real_ neighbourhood watch people, after he was seen trying to strangle Leon's budgie at number 4. Lance's father had to move because of an army placement anyway. So, yet again, things in Merlin and Arthur's lives turned back to their yoghurt-eating normalities. (Strawberry yoghurt was Arthur's favourite, he said it counted as one of his five-a-day - something he later discovered was just something he'd read about strawberry etc Smoothies, but something had got lost in translation in his five-year-old mind - whereas Merlin went for a much more healthy, Toffee). Every yoghurt-eating-frenzy that the two boys found themselves in would end in Hunith walking into her kitchen to find her son coated from head-to-toe with Strawberry-Toffee yoghurt, being tormented by a surprisingly clean-looking Arthur - which _would_ be impressive if Merlin hadn't been tied to a chair with tea-towels.

At 15, Arthur was still girlfriendless - if you don't count Sophia and, the previously mentioned, Vivian, but Merlin had quite rightly said that Sophia had '_bewitched_' Arthur with her father's walking-stick - that she insisted '_held the power of her charm, but of course I'm just naturally beautiful'_. Realistically, people just went out with her because she was weird - and in Year 10, weird was cool. After seeing Merlin, and the deflated inflatable sword, in the lounge when he got back from seeing her one day, he realised - traditional is always better, oh, and he loved Merlin more that he loved her. Not that he actually '_loved_' her, he just fancied her a little bit. But even _that _had vanished when he finally met her father, and he started rambling on about world domination and how his '_elder_' (whatever that was) had failed him. '_I always found it hard to believe that people could be absolutely insane, y'know, like the closest anyone ever got was being a politician (so the Prime minister is a raving Looney (if you get the joke)) but after meeting him, I've decided to leave everything in my will to a mental institution - aside from the everything I'm leaving to you, Merlin,'_ he'd remarked, sending Merlin into a fit of uncontrollable laughter, which pleased Arthur no-end.

Well, as I was saying, before I got distracted by tales of Sophia and her walking-stick, Arthur was still girlfriendless, and Merlin, surprise-surprise, was not. The only difference between this time and the last was that it actually meant something _more_ to Merlin, he actually _wanted_ to see this girl as often as possible, and it wasn't _just_ because she was a girl. But Freya didn't understand what it meant to have a best friend like Arthur - she didn't have _any _friends - she got angry when Merlin would ring on her doorbell crying with laughter as Arthur pranced around behind him singing some weird rendition of an 80s power ballad. She guessed he was trying to take Merlin away from her, but the way Arthur saw it was the complete opposite. Merlin had been _his_ first, so she should have to ask _his_ permission to see him. And if she dared to lay a finger on him, he'd... He'd... Probably use his Strawberry-yoghurt-smothering expertise to make sure she was sorry. And to make her regret it even more, he'd nick some of Merlin's Toffee yoghurt so _he_ got mad too. It took a mere two months for Arthur to convince Merlin she was a man-eater, '_that's why she hasn't got any friends; she's either slept with them and broken their poor fragile hearts, or eaten them_'.

So, Merlin 'forgot' he was supposed to be meeting her on the corner outside the cafe, so they could walk down to the lake. He regretted that later - that was the time and place that she was hit by a car.

Arthur was there for him then. Even as much as he'd wanted her to leave Merlin alone, he hadn't wanted _this_.

He'd held him against his chest in the living-room, and played with the small curls at the nape of Merlin's neck for roughly three hours until the tears finally sub-sided. And then they'd watched horror movies for the rest of the night - the last time they'd been _that_ scared was when they'd seen that small part of 'Jaws' as kids.

At 18 they'd reverted back to their old ways, playing knights and wizards in the park before anyone else on the estate had gotten up. Merlin would hide behind the wide trees and Arthur would have to find him, and just when the time was right, Merlin would pounce on him and declare '_Surrender, or I shall pierce the soft skin of your neck with the blades of power from my fingertips, and draw the last drop of your life from your veins and drink it until I am immortal_', to which Arthur would reply _'shove off tooth-fairy_' and throw the skinny boy playfully off his back and sit on his stomach until he yelped with pain.

Then they found Alcohol. Hunith had done a good job of protecting them up until then, desperately using their childish natures to her advantage and never letting them have a sip.

But they still knew where the pub was - and they knew why the people would always fall out of the door and collapse in heaps of stinking laughter; why the occasional fight would involve the police; and why every scrawny, ugly boy leaving its doors would always have a girl latching onto his tongue - so, naturally, all they saw was _'fun'_. That is, until Morgause, the barmaid, had taken advantage of Arthur's naivety and challenged him to a drink-off. _'Merlin, should I not return alive, I want you to know - no man is worth your tears_', Merlin had slapped him around the face and told him to get on with it.

As expected, after only about three shots, Arthur was rolling around on the floor waving his arms around like he was swatting flies. Merlin hated seeing him like this, but the opportunity was _too great to miss_. He could ask for _anything,_ '_Arthur, can I have first choice of Smelly Bath Salts tomorrow?' _to which Arthur made a face that resembled outrage, but then _'Tried to nod_' - Merlin would later protest.

Next morning, their thoughts were elsewhere. And Merlin spent the whole day trying to convince his friend that he had _not, _in fact, seen the ghost of his mother, but had suffered under the cruel and unforgiving hand of alcohol. Arthur had been quiet and still until Merlin threatened to paint his portrait how he would if he was in Life classes, because Arthur _'wouldn't have noticed even if he _was_ naked and having some purvey guy drawing everything, that should never be replicated, on canvas_'. So Arthur had raised an eyebrow - which satisfied Merlin, enough that he was able to carry on bustling around him as if he was his nursemaid. Oh, yeah, and then he told Arthur he'd poisoned the tea he'd just handed him, which explained why Merlin soon had biscuit crumbs caught in his eyelashes.

So, that pretty much explains how it is that we find ourselves where we are now - with two 19 year old boys at a kitchen table. One sobbing silently into the blonde boys shoulder, and not even the thought of toffee yoghurt can lighten his mood. Not after he's just lost his father. But Arthur _knows_, as he's lost his mother, but also because _this is Merlin_. And anything Merlin can feel, Arthur feels it too, at the same time, in the same place in his chest and with the same brutality. And whenever Merlin would cry, Arthur would cry with him, and tell him he can have the Smelly Bath Salts for the next week, because that's what Merlin would say to him.

And he also knew:

Whenever Merlin smiled, his heart burst into butterflies, and whenever he, himself, smiled, the same happened inside Merlin. Because whatever affected Merlin, affected him. And whatever affected him, affected Merlin.

This is the moment when Arthur decides, for the second time, that he cannot be without his precious Merlin, nor can he watch him unhappy. So he thinks to soothe him the only way he hasn't tried, not after 19 years of hiding under each other's covers and pretending they're not there, even when the other knows they are; and embracing the other with the force enough to kill them; and telling each other everything, big or small; and promising that if ever they were to marry, they will marry each other. He leans in and kisses him. With the delicacy of a flower but the intentions of a saint. He marvels at how natural it feels and then he suddenly realises...

... This is how it would always have been...

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_**So, tell me what you think and all my dreams may come true at once, either that or I'll think '**_**Chess, you're an idiot...**_**'**_


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